sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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