Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
