Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
