Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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