He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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