I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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