Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
