is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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