I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
