rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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