Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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