i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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