It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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