i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
