it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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