hell yes lets make some ravioli
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
two words: eviction party
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But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
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I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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