he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
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If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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