I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
