I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
