I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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