They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
