i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
