I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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