Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
