I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
