Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
