I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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