i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
