the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
im on a boat
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