Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
