I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
