You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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