I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
