This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
