I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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