Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
