She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
