K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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