I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
