if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
