Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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