I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
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When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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