dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
