Please don't use social media to get back at me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
