I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
