I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
