Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize