There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
