He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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