Banned from zoo.
Again?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize