I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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