my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
operation have a gay friend backfired
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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