so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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