went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I want to fling myself into the sun
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
