I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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