So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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