I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
