We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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