3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
