I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
