I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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