I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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