I hope mine doesn't look like that
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
