You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
