No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
