What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
