i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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