Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
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