Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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