I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize