Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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