It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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