Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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