If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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