Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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